Arguing With Myself

Or maybe it’s more like playing tug of war with myself. Or more like debating.

Either way, I’m not sure which half of me is winning. I think it’s rather neutral right now, which isn’t helping me, of course.

I’m still debating on NaNoWriMo. That’s what all the arguing, debating, tug of warring is about.

I know, I know, I said more than a week ago I wasn’t going to because it would end up being the death of me with everything else going on. And then I said I was probably going to be the idiot that made up my mind at 11:59pm on October 31st saying “Screw it all!” and go for it. Then I went back to saying nope, can’t do it. Now…

You see where my tug of war is coming from?

Right now I seem to be stuck over that center ground where no one is winning. Though I think the “no” side is starting to gain some ground again. Work for the next week and a half will be the death of me when we’ve got surprise visits from the really big bosses, like the guys at the top of the chain, next week. Which means making the store look perfect, as in grand opening kind of perfect.

It’s. Going. To. Be. Hell.

Who am I kidding? It’s already been hell the past two days. I’ve still got three more long days to go this week and I’m already exhausted and ready to wave the white flag after two.

I will probably still be debating over NaNo for the rest of week. But I still have so much else to do as well, and no time.

Seriously, what is this thing called free time anymore? I have none.

My time consists of work, attempting to get some sleep, maybe finding time to eat, and all the other necessities of the day. There is no free time. Especially not with the never ending to do list.

There’s always a constant supply of things that need done. The to do list, work, the holiday season, and stress. I’m finding stress is one of those constants lately.

So tell me again why I want to do NaNo with everything else on my plate?

Snippet Sunday: October 25, 2015

Welcome to Snippet Sunday on Darkling Dreams!

Where writers come together to share a few sentences (8-10) of their current project — whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.

In honor of it being Halloween month, the best month of the year, I am going to switch up my Sunday Snippets and share from a different story of mine that I also have on Wattpad. A short horror story titled, The Beast. And with this being the last week of October, this might be the last I share of this toying monster.

Previously on Sunday Snippets: The main character — you will learn her name later, I think — was describing the creature that follows her home through the dark streets at night and how he likes to toy with her.

Picking right up from where I left off from last week’s snippet. (Some sentences may have been creatively punctuated to try to fit the ten sentence limit. I’m over this week, again.)

—

If it wasn’t getting close to me, it was throwing things at me: trash cans, broken objects, anything in the vicinity was fair game to be used as a missile aimed right for me. For as many objects as the creature threw, not one of them hit me, they’d all just barely miss my small frame; I wasn’t sure if it was on purpose or if the creature just had that bad an aim.

My gut told me it was the former.

The torment would go on like that for what felt like hours with me standing in the middle of the alley — afraid to move, afraid each second would be my last; I’d come within a hair’s breadth of begging for my life, begging for it to stop tormenting me when it would finally dissolve into the darkness once more and not return.

The first time everything stilled and the snarls disappeared, I stood paralyzed by pure terror for five minutes before I dared to make a run for it, thinking all the while that the second I gave in to a relative feeling of safety, it would jump back out and finish me off.

I hadn’t been too far off on that assumption.

The exact second I became unglued and made a beeline for the sidewalk, is the same moment the beast would reappear. A malicious snarl would ring in my face and I’d see him for all of a millisecond as he hulked in front of me, one razor tipped hand — or paw, I couldn’t tell which — posed above his head, aimed straight for my throat. His eyes burned in fury and triumph as he loomed over me, a look that said he enjoyed watching me squirm in fear way too much.

I screamed as the claws descended on me, throwing my arms in front of my face in another feeble attempt to protect myself as I stumbled backwards. The hot sting of flesh being ripped open would send waves of pain through my arm as his claws connected with my forearm. I fell onto my rear, clutching my injured arm to my body, trying not to let the tears spill down my face and cowered on the damp pavement in defeat, waiting for the last strike that would end my life.

But it never came.

—-

If you wish to read more, it is available to read on Wattpad! (If you do, it is under the book titled Wild Fantasies. This was part of a contest I entered.) And since this might be the last week I share from this, you might just have to on the bit of a cliffhanger I left. I love to hear any and all feedback on my work as well. Comments are greatly appreciated, as are the reads.

And if you’re looking for some other great snippets of fellow authors,

hop on over to Facebook and check out Snippet Sunday!

The Never Ending To Do List

We all have them.

The mile long to do list that once you scratch one thing off, two more things pop up. The list that nags at the back of our minds until we cave and tackle it. The one that requires either a lot of limitless energy, or a bunch energy drinks and coffee, and sugar, lots of sugar. The one we all wish someone could create a potion that allows us not to sleep so that we would actually have time to make the never ending list, well, ending.

That list is exactly what I am tackling today, and I think it’s because the wonderful alone time I had this morning finally sparked me some much needed energy. Too bad it’s all I’ll get for awhile again probably.

I don’t even have a number count for how many things are on that list, and honestly, I don’t want to have one. It’s rather staggering. I mean, when I’m working five days a week with long crazy hours that suck away my free time, it doesn’t exactly give me much time to get anything done.

Unless I want to lose massive amounts of sleep. I don’t need to do that anymore than I already do. Said the writer and night owl. Let me just say those two things put together are a bad combination for the thing called sleep.

What’s this sleep you speak of?

Exactly.

Anyways, I have managed to cross off a couple things on that list today. The overflowing laundry has been washed, and believe it or not, it’s already been folded and put away, too. (Hell just froze over.) The sheets have been changed, my room has some semblance of order again. Well, sort of. The desk is another story yet, but I’m working on that now. And I have switched out my altar decorations from Mabon to Samhain. (Only 11 more days!!)

Took me long enough to cross off that last one. Normally those decorations are up near the beginning of the month, didn’t happen this year. I blame work. You want proof, today was my first day off of six days in a row of long hours that had me wanting to flip off the world. Christmas decorations a week before Halloween was NOT what I wanted to be setting this past few days.

(See a pattern here on my excuses?)

There’s still… *glances at list and cringes* …way too many more things on that sucker, but at least I have crossed off a few. Fingers crossed I don’t end up adding anymore to that list before the end of the night. I am not holding my breath though.

And I’ve just added another one to that list thanks to me reminding myself of something by mentioning decorations. Wonderful. Well, this one is more of a crafty thing, so that’s not really a chore for the to do list, right?

(Told you I wasn’t holding my breath…)

The two biggest ones that are still jumping and screaming at me for my attention are cleaning, though. The two I dread the most. Well, I really only dread cleaning my room, the bathroom is easy, but my room… I wish I could wave a magic wand and POOF! it’d be clean.

Nope, gotta keep dreaming on that one.

It’d be better than dealing with the amount of knickknacks and stuff I have to move to clean though, and much easier. Having a messy roommate makes me dread it that much more.

I’ve got a few more things I want to get done before the night is out, and I’ve now got the random urge to clean, mainly because it’s driving me nuts. (I think Hell just froze over again.) But I can’t focus on that tonight, maybe Friday when I’m off again. Except I need to run a couple errands that day…

You see my problem here? I need more hours in a day, preferably in the days I have off. Take the hours from the days I work to shorten them and throw them into my off days and I’d be a happy camper. I suddenly really wish that was possible.

You know what else is on that to do list that’s staring me down?

NaNoWriMo.

I don’t remember even writing it on there, but apparently I did. And now it’s nagging at me, again. I know I said last Friday I didn’t think I was going to attempt it, but now…

Now someone must have given me a dose of crazy because I’m suddenly considering going for it again. I feel like a yo-yo on this subject.

Go for it, don’t go for it, go for it, don’t go for it.

I know I will be killing myself if I go for it, I know it, but that urge to say “screw it” and go for it is back. And I don’t have a flipping clue which side of me is going to win in this now. And it’s a week and a half away. I’m screwed, because chances are at 11:50pm on October 31st I will scramble to join with the motto “screw it” ringing in my head.

What’s the worst that could happen if I do it and don’t make 50k, right? It’s just writing, right? Not a matter of life or death, right?

Actually, don’t answer that. Don’t answer any of those.

I’m just going to go submerse myself in 31 Days of Halloween that I am doing to cross off two more things on my list, and let my brain wander down whatever path it’s taking to the tug of war battle going on over NaNo in my head.

And go listen to music, music always helps tackle the never ending to do list.

Snippet Sunday: October 18, 2015

Welcome to Snippet Sunday on Darkling Dreams!

Where writers come together to share a few sentences (8-10) of their current project — whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.

In honor of it being Halloween month, the best month of the year, I am going to switch up my Sunday Snippets and share from a different story of mine that I also have on Wattpad. A short horror story titled, The Beast.

Picking up right where I left off from last week’s snippet. The main character — you will learn her name later, I think — was describing the creature that follows her home through the dark streets at night.

(Some sentences may have been creatively punctuated to try to fit the ten sentence limit. I’m over this week.)

—

By nothing more than fear of the unknown and wind I was pushed back into the alley where the creature’s real fun began.

Once more the swirl of darkness that symbolized where he was going to appear flickered in my peripheral vision. I turned in a flash, throwing my arms up in a pitiful attempt to protect myself — but who was I kidding? Nothing could protect me from this monster; he shouldn’t even be real.

His snarl next to my ear signaled his return. I shut my eyes tight against the fear it brought on and prayed to any or all gods to save me; vowing that if any one of them existed and actually saved me, I would follow the religion they represented to the smallest detail if it just meant I survived this. Surely, if this monster could exist then one of them big guys out there could exist too.

The fatal strike that I expected to come next never landed, though. Immediate death wasn’t on the monster’s goal list just yet.

Over and over the beast would fade back into the night, only to reappear closer and closer to me moments later. My heart was thumping in my chest, threatening to break through, and fear clouded my mind, making all survival instincts and tactics I had learned in a self defense class fly out of my head. I was as helpless as a little babe against this monster, not even the toughest self defense class could prepare me on how to handle an attack from something that was supernatural.

I knew eventually the monster would get tired of his scare game and go away; he always did, but I still flinched and screamed each time he came close to me. The disgusting breath and growl in my ear would make me flinch away uncontrollably and the light touch of sharp nails would make me shiver and whimper.

—

If you wish to read more, it is available to read on Wattpad! (If you do, it is under the book titled Wild Fantasies. This was part of a contest I entered.) I love to hear any and all feedback on my work as well. Comments are greatly appreciated, as are the reads.

And if you’re looking for some other great snippets of fellow authors,

hop on over to Facebook and check out Sunday Snippets!

Black Holes, Do Not Disturb Signs, and NaNoWriMo

It’s Friday again, isn’t it?

Now, I know, you all have probably wondered where the hell I have been for the past near month except for my Sunday snippets. (You haven’t? No? Oh, well, wishful thinking then I suppose.)

I seem to have fallen into a black hole that has refused to allow me an exit. Or maybe I’ve just fallen off the face of the Earth, or down into a hole that is too deep for me to crawl out of. Any one of those would suffice as my explanation.

Well, maybe not…

You see, in the world of retail, the holiday season of 2015 started last month already. And I have been working like crazy for it. Between readying the store, vacations of other managers, and a whole crap load of other things going on that make me want to pull my hair out and curse out the world, I have been having very little time to get anything done.

Let’s be honest, half the time I don’t even know what the hell day it is anymore. Hence why I asked above if today was Friday, considering in my books, today is Wednesday, because I still have three more shifts to get through.

No… Wait, that’s not right. Today is Tuesday to me, tomorrow is Wednesday, Sunday is Thursday, and Monday is finally Friday. And I had two Mondays at the start of this period! Meaning I’m working six days straight, then I only get one day off before I’m back at it.

UGH.

Sometimes I question my reasoning for going into retail and being a manager. There is no such thing as a weekend to me anymore. It’s work five days in a row, get one off, work three more in a row, get one off, work six in a row, get on off, etc. etc.

It. Sucks.

You know what makes it even worse? Bitchy customers, no show employees, too much freight that we have no room for, and back to back shifts of closing the store and opening it the next day.

Can I wave the white flag yet?

I never thought I’d hear myself say this, but I wish it was February of next year already. Then the holiday season and inventory would be over. I’m in major trouble if I wish that already, it’s going to be a loooooong couple of months.

But, yes, that is my reasoning for why I have dropped off the face of the Earth into some black hole. With me working so much, I am barely finding time to get anything I need to do done, let alone finding time to write. Hell, I’m hardly finding time to sleep or peace and quiet.

(Which is not helping my overall attitude lately. I’m a ticking time bomb right now that can go one of two ways: Explosion or self destruction.)

I’m an introvert, I need my me time. You know how much I’m getting? Yep, you guessed it. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Non-existent. None.

I’ve come to the conclusion I am going to start wearing a “Do Not Disturb Or I Will Murder You” sign on my forehead from now on. Maybe that’ll solve some of my problems.

Oh don’t laugh, a girl can dream. And a very desperate girl can seriously hope.

Which, this whole no-time-for-anything-but-work thing is what brings me to my next option weighing on my brain:

NaNoWriMo.

Yep, that’s right, it is only two measly weeks away and at this point, I have no idea if I’m even going to attempt it.

Now, I know I did say a couple months ago I was going for it. I did 50k in Camp, I can do it here, right?

HA!

I’m not so sure about that anymore with the holidays. I can dream, but I’m pretty sure it’s not happening. With long hours, long weeks, long days, and everything else that’s going to start up come November, I honestly don’t think I’m going to do it.

I wish I was, but… It seems my life reads like a tape recorder on repeat now:

Work, work, scavenge for food, barely sleep, get nothing else done, work, work.

I’ve lost whatever sanity I had left. So, sadly, I don’t think I’m going to be attempting NaNo. It actually hurts to think I won’t be, and it’s going to eat away at me like some failed attempt, but I will end up killing myself between writing, work, and the holiday if I try. If I think I have no time now, November will be a nightmare if I attempt it. I don’t think I have the patience or willpower to get through it without blowing a gasket somewhere along the way.

At this rate, I’m lucky if I remember to write a blog post on Tuesdays and Fridays — like I haven’t been. Or if I manage to get through the Sunday Snippet blog hop before Saturday — like I haven’t been also. Add writing 50k words in a month to that mix with work and the holiday as well and…

Yeah, I’m not even going to go there.

Snippet Sunday: October 11, 2015

Welcome to Snippet Sunday on Darkling Dreams!

Where writers come together to share a few sentences (8-10) of their current project — whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.

In honor of it being Halloween month, the best month of the year, I am going to switch up my Sunday Snippets and share from a different story of mine that I also have on Wattpad. A short horror story titled, The Beast.

Picking up right where I left off from last week’s snippet. The main character — you will learn her name later, I think — was describing the creature that follows her home through the dark streets at night.

(Some sentences may have been creatively punctuated to try fit the ten sentence limit. I’m over this week.)

—

Every night I walked home from working at the bar around midnight, and every time I got close to that alleyway, the heavy breathing and click-click of sharp nails on pavement would follow me from behind.

At first my rational mind told me to just ignore it and keep walking, that it was just some stray dog trotting along to its home for the night; but I would round corner after corner and still the sounds would follow me, growing closer and louder by the minute. Eventually, my panic set in and I would start to pick up my pace, but so would the creature behind me — until finally, when I’d break into a flat out run for my apartment building would it stop me.

I’d get no more than a few feet when the beast would appear out of the darkness in front of me and howl. I never failed to scream and fall onto my rear as I hastily tried to stop myself from colliding with it and back away, adrenaline would have me shaking, coupled with the paralyzing sense of terror. As soon as it would appear though, it would dissolve back into the night in a cloud of darkness.

But it never left for long.

No, not once did it leave me alone after the initial scare: its low growl would emanate from everywhere around me, coming from all directions and building in volume as time passed. I would try to get up and run again, try desperately to make it to my front door that was no more than thirty feet away from me.

But I never made it.

I would take one hesitant step forward and the growl would grow to a roar; cold gusts of wind would buffet me from the street side, urging me towards the dark alley that housed only stray cats and garbage cans. I’d scream again and again, in fear and desperation; but not a soul would hear me, not one light would flick on in the surrounding buildings. I was on my own to fend for my life; and I was almost positive I was about to be ripped to pieces and eaten.

—

If you wish to read more, it is available to read on Wattpad! (If you do, it is under the book titled Wild Fantasies. This was part of a contest I entered.) I love to hear any and all feedback on my work as well. Comments are greatly appreciated, as are the reads.

And if you’re looking for some other great snippets of fellow authors,

hop on over to Facebook and check out Sunday Snippets!

Snippet Sunday: October 4, 2015

Welcome to Snippet Sunday on Darkling Dreams!

Where writers come together to share a few sentences (8-10) of their current project — whether it’s a recently released novel, a WIP (work in progress), or an older manuscript that’s being revived. Intended to hook readers, gather feedback and build an author’s fan base, Snippet Sunday is the FB group that does all three.

Welcome to October! The month of everything pumpkin flavored and spooky! In other words, my favorite month of the year. In honor of it being Halloween month, I am going to switch up my Sunday Snippets and share from a different story of mine that I also have on Wattpad. A short horror story titled, The Beast.

This starts a couple paragraphs into the beginning of the story.

(Some sentences may have been creatively punctuated to fit the ten sentence limit. Though I’ll confess, I’m one or two sentences over. My bad.)

—-

I’d never seen the beast in full view, and I was sure I didn’t want to: the snatches of him I had seen as he danced around my vision limits, tormenting my mind with his games of keeping me on the brink of breaking, were enough to instill fear into the bravest of souls.

He was hideous.

A huge, hulking mass of black; I wasn’t sure if it was fur or some sort of a sticky, black tar hide that covered his body, but I wasn’t keen to finding out. Claws and razor sharp teeth too big for any animal alive would glint in the moonlight as he would fade once more into the night.

And his breath… It was like rotting flesh; hot and pungent when he would stand just behind me, the tip of his teeth lightly grazing the back of my neck as he tormented me again, and again, and again.

But it was his eyes that had first chilled me to my core and frozen my blood.

They were a golden yellow, bright and intensified in the darkness of night, black slits like a cat formed the pupil of his eye. They were unforgiving and glinted maliciously. One look at them would tell you all you needed to know about the creature they belonged to.

You didn’t want to run into this monster at night, or at all for that matter.

Time and time again though, that was exactly what happened to me.

—-

If you wish to read more, it is available to read on Wattpad! (If you do, it is under the book titled Wild Fantasies. This was part of a contest I entered.) I love to hear any and all feedback on my work as well. Comments are greatly appreciated, as are the reads.

And if you’re looking for some other great snippets of fellow authors,

hop on over to Facebook and check out Sunday Snippets!