A Desire to Write

Attention! Attention my lovely followers! I have an announcement to make.

*Holds up hands for silence, clears throat*

I am proud to announce that I have kicked the ball back down the hill and am plunging back into writing full speed ahead as I pick up momentum with each passing second.

*Cheers and throws confetti*

(I’ve had sugar today, can you tell?)

You know what’s funny about us authors?

Sometimes it only takes one reader to speak up, or one tiny occurrence as small as a follow, or a like, to bring back your drive to write and create worlds at your fingertips. It’s truly amazing how just one person can lift your spirits so high that you’re left with a smile on your face for the whole day and your desire to create drives you further than you had gone in days or weeks.

I saw this on Facebook yesterday and I just had to share it to my author page, for it truly summed up how much that one comment can mean to any kind of artist, writer, or creative arts person. We are a strange breed of people plagued by our own doubts like a suffocating disease, though we possess the potential to turn caffeine into stories if only we are provided with the cure to our plague so that we may thrive.


This time for me, it was a couple of occurrences that brought back my drive, and my cure finally.

For starters, anyone who saw my Snippet Sunday post this week has probably noticed that I started sharing from something brand spanking new: Clockwork Heart. If you’ve followed along my posts for the past month, you’ve probably seen that title a lot. That title also held a lot of ups and downs for me in that month. At first it was going great, then it got halted by some disappointing news, then I just kinda fell off the wagon in working on it thanks to said disappointment.

Well, the bloggers of the Snippet Sunday group who visited my post this past Sunday have had good reviews for the start of the story. Some of which are people who almost never comment on my posts, so that alone was a welcome surprise. To see their positive comments was an added bonus of excitement, building my desire further to write again.

The second thing that helped bring that drive back was the fact I actually got some good fresh air and sun yesterday. The weather was beautiful, it was warmer, the sun was shining. I got lucky enough that I was off work and I took that chance. I took a walk and shot my first air soft gun — because I have always wanted to try. Just getting the fresh air for about two hours helped to clear my head and lift my spirits.

The final thing surging my drive on is Wattpad. For a long time now I haven’t been promoting my stories to the SYS (Share Your Story) threads within the club forums. Part of that is because you have to promote every single week after the threads are refreshed by a Wattpad ambassador, and the threads are never refreshed on the same days across each genre club. The other part to me not doing it for a long time is due to the fact I’ve been wanting to rework some of them. Rivers of Black being one of those stories. I think The Black Lake could use a bit of work too — I’ve begun that by asking for a new cover to the story. The original was done by me and it…could be a lot better.

So the other day as I was working on the drafts to revamp my blog, I decided I was going to promote a few of my stories to the SYS threads, just because I haven’t done it in so long and I have not been seeing the viewing numbers move in ages.

Well, guess what happened?

Since I did that several days ago, I’ve seen two new follows, a few new views pop up in some of the numbers, and I’ve had at least three different viewers dropping me votes on my stories again. So, YAY!

I keep hoping one of those voters is going to leave me a wonderful comment but no such luck on that just yet. Darn.

You put all three of those occurrences together though and suddenly I’m itching to plant fingers to the keyboard again. Believe it or not, I actually opened Fated to Darkness again to start work back up on it! I haven’t touched it since NaNoWriMo, which is partly due to the Christmas/inventory season, and also partly due to when I began working on Clockwork Heart in January.

Yesterday that is what I did though after clearing my head from the walk. With the will to write I sat down and pulled out my computer. I debated which story I wanted to work on and then found myself opening Fated to Darkness. I had to read through some of it to remind myself where I was, and where I was heading, but…WOW! I read the chapter before the one I left off on because they go hand in hand, and this was my initial reaction that went to Facebook after reading it:

“-*Reads through semi-recent chapter of Fated to Darkness from NaNoWriMo*
-*Jaw drops*
-*Stares at Word doc for a good two minutes*
-Holy shit! I wrote that?!”

After that, I immediately dove into the chapter I was currently writing to keep going. It’s a good thing when you don’t want to pull your eyes away from the scene, right? It’s been two months since I read through or looked at any of it, and I was glued to my own screen. For when I got to the part I left off at, this was my next reaction to Facebook:

“You know you’re an author when you get to where you left off last and freak out at yourself because you left yourself hanging on a cliffhanger.Guess I better start writing!”

I quite literally went slack jawed and threw my hands up, yelling at myself for leaving off where I had. I spent the next several minutes internally freaking out and itching to write before I regained enough equilibrium and direction on the chapter to start writing again. By the time I stopped due to an irritable need for food, and a less irritable desire to watch Quantico, I had gotten in another 1.2k words.

The chapter isn’t done just yet, though it’s more than half way completed now, but I am certainly loving how it’s coming along. I just need to keep reminding myself of my MC’s age once in awhile. I keep mixing her young self with her future self on attitude and reaction. Although, her attitude doesn’t much change, but word choice and reactions do matter when comparing their ages.

It’s actually very hard to write a child and to stay in their mindset. It’s even harder when you have so little knowledge of how a kid that age should act, or what they should be capable of mentally and physically. Then when you throw in the fact her…genes give her a growth spurt in a faster maturity than a regular human and you really screw yourself on how she should appropriately act.

A good deal of the earlier parts of Fated to Darkness may need some tweaking to keep straight with her age, but that’s for edits. Actually, a lot of things are going to need tweaking when I get to edits. My writing style has really grown since I started this book. But that’s for a later date to worry about.

Right now I just have to remember I am six chapters away from completing the first draft, and goddammit I am going to finish that soon so I can work on Clockwork Heart. Somehow I seem to be talking myself into the fact I want to try to get that one published this year instead of completing two other novels I have started.

Why you ask? Because I’m an idiot who can’t focus on the goals she already set herself without more ideas popping up in the form of half started WiPs and raging plot bunnies.

Oh, wait, doesn’t every author have that problem?

Renewing Excitement

Last night at 2am I spent an hour writing before I headed off to bed. I had only meant to spend maybe a half hour, but as I got into the scene, my fingers were just itching to finally finish it so I didn’t stop until I had finished the scene, and coincidentally the chapter as well. I’ve been on this scene for what seems like forever now.

And I think that taking so long on this scene is partly what was deterring me last week, and just in general for a while. (Minus the computer crash that killed me end of last year.)

It’s not that this scene was hard. It wasn’t. It was more I was getting bored of being on it for so long. The large lapse of time I had from no computer really didn’t help the flow I had going, either. I partly forgot what I had written already, where things were going, and so forth. I do have notes written out in the document and on paper, but I still felt like I forgot some things as I’m quite sure the consistency of this chapter in relation to earlier chapters is going to need checked later in revisions.

This scene ultimately taking me so long is what dragged me down, and now that I’m past it, I’m ready to keep rolling with what comes next in the novel.

Of course, there is still the slight nagging voice and doubt in the back of my mind, the one that tells me “who is going to want to read this?”. With the help of two good friends’ advice and reassurance though, I have mainly managed to shove that voice down some dark hole with a grate over top it and plunge forward.

Because, ultimately, they were both right. I just lost sight of my dream for a short time. Maybe no one will read this someday, maybe I won’t get it published like I so desperately wish for. But either way, I’m writing this novel, this series, because I am the only one that can. Because there is a story inside me and it has to come out. I am writing it for me. For myself and the characters in my head screaming to be heard.

If I never get it published, then I at least still have the accomplishment inside me saying; “You did it. You actually finished a novel, a series.” And even if no agency wishes to publish me at first, I will keep trying until I either find someone who loves it or I decide to self publish on Amazon and all those other sites.

But I won’t give up on this. I will finish this novel. I will finish this first draft this year. I am excited again and that bubbly happiness and joy is kindling once more to move one chapter, one scene farther into the novel towards that last glorious line of the Epilogue.

I can do this.

So what’s next?

Keep writing of course!