Emotions-5, Daelyn-O

Well I did it.

I took the biggest plunge of my life in my writing so far and submitted the short story to the anthology at about 1am on Saturday. (To me it was still Friday but according to the clocks it was Saturday.)

I am still terrified.

Literally, after setting up the email and attaching the Word doc, I stared at the send button for a good ten minutes unable to breathe before I finally managed to hit that little button. I’ll admit, I had to close my eyes and hold my breath to do it, along with a little kick in the ass from some friends, but I did it finally. I’ve been freaking out off and on ever since then.

Yesterday I had a panic attack over it when I got an email from the coordinator (after I had been asking a few questions so they knew I was submitting one) asking me if I had sent in my submission. For some reason, her email wasn’t showing it at all. It was in my sent mail, it was the right email address it went to and all, yet somehow she didn’t get it. Thankfully, I was allowed to forward the email a second time and she got it after a few hours of panicking on my part.

Of course, that doesn’t change the fact I’m still freaking out.

You know how when you submit to something like this you think it’s going to take maybe a month or so before you hear back about your submission? Seems logical, right? They have how many submissions (I really don’t know how many they have and I don’t want to know unless I’m accepted) to read and their own personal lives and such. So I thought a month would be a reasonable amount of time before hearing back.

Ha, yeah, nope!

Imagine my shock over the email I got back in saying they received my submission and I’d hear back by the end of next week, if not sooner, if I was accepted. End of next week! If not sooner! I was not ready to hear that, I think it only made me more terrified.

I expected I’d have a month of waiting with baited breath and now I kinda just got flipped upside down in shock. (I was at work when I read that email to, soooo…) I’m both excited and nervous as all hell to be checking my email for the next two weeks. Excited and terrified are pretty much my two dominant emotions in this.

Well, there’s also the fact this feels so, so surreal. Yes, I still can’t believe I’ve done this. I’ve been one whack-a-doodle since I hit that send button. One minute I’m terrified and repeating “oh my god” to myself while holding my head, the next I’m laughing and smiling like an idiot with giddiness, then I’m left day dreaming and I feel like I want to squeal, then once more I’m terrified and I can’t seem to breathe right, and then… Yeah, it’s just a repeating cycle of madness and roller coaster emotions right now.

In an attempt to get my mind off it and stop freaking out, I tried to dive back into Fated to Darkness on Saturday. You know, since it was neglected while I wrote this submission. I’m having trouble getting myself back into it. I was so focused on this submission and so panicky over it, that now that it’s actually over I’m thinking “now what?”.

Seriously, now what?

This is the first time I’ve ever put so much focus and work into writing and editing something. Alright, yeah, I’ve put A LOT of writing and focus into Fated to Darkness, but I haven’t done any editing on it yet so this feels…bigger.

Who am I kidding? This IS bigger.

At least, at the moment it is. I’m sure when I get around to editing FtD and then looking to get it published, it’ll be ten times bigger than a simple short story for an anthology being as this series is my absolute dream, but… Until that day comes along, this is bigger.

So now I just kind of feel…stuck. Lost. Grappling for what I’m supposed to be doing. I know what I’m supposed to be doing. I’m supposed to be blog hopping and writing and trying to make my goals for August. And instead I’m just…bleh.

It’s been a really funky two days with a lot of unknown reasons for mood switching. As well as a lot of headaches. I don’t know what it is with me right now. Maybe it’s the shock and nervousness and terror of this submission that is screwing with me, but something is screwing with me majorly. I’m getting absolutely nowhere in everything, my emotions and life are winning every round right now, and beating me down into the ground.

Right now I just hope I find my equilibrium again and get writing on FtD, because I had wanted to get 20k added to it this month, and I’ve got about 4.5k instead so far. And because I was supposed to be writing a lot of journal entries for camping and I haven’t done a single one. And I hope I get accepted into this submission, because it would be a dream come true. And… *Sigh*

Why do I always seem to fall apart just when I think I’ve finally got myself on a good path? Am I psyching myself out? Just…why?

One for the Memories

storyteller banner

Alright, so this isn’t going to be my standard writing related blog post. I am going off on a completely unrelated topic tonight. (Actually, if I really wanted to, I could turn this into a half related writing post…)

Anyways, on Wednesday, I had the chance to go to my first concert ever, courtesy of a Christmas/birthday gift from my dad. (I only say birthday because the concert fell right around my birthday.)

I went to see my favorite country artist, maybe one of my favorite artists period, Carrie Underwood!

I will admit, I own every single one of her CDs and know the lyrics to just about every song she has ever written. (This is where I could turn this into half related to writing. Remember my post about music and writing?)

I digress though. It was truly a night to remember, for more than one reason. A night out with cousins, dinner and a concert — an amazing concert at that — and lots of singing and laughing. Needless to say I sang along to every song she performed.

Carrie is one rather great performer — in my opinion at least, I don’t want to hear smash talk back on this post if you don’t like her. She has the voice even without all the audio tuning studies do nowadays, and she has the heart and passion for what she writes to really make the songs come alive. Her songs don’t just go on about some girl or heartbreak, her songs actually go into so many more topics. Being a mother, growing up, losing someone, love, heartbreak, betrayal, little town drama, family, and so much more.

As her tour is called, The Storyteller Tour, her songs really do tell a story. More than your standard girl meets boy, fall in love, tragedy and break up happens. No, not every song is like that of hers and that is one reason I love her songs. She puts so much emotion and heart into these stories that she tells in song.

A tug at the heartstrings. The bursting joy. A tender love and touch. Betrayal and anger…

Her songs have so many layers to them that they become their own story, their own song. It is like I said in that Music Musings post of mine ages ago: song and story alone have their own amazing qualities, but putting them together makes them that much more incredible, that much more powerful. Carrie has a way of achieving both of those together in her own sort of song and dance with the words and tune.

There are so many of her songs that are not just black and white. They are not standard. They are unique and I believe that is what makes her so successful, along with her voice, heart, and passion for what she does.

Not many artists can do this to me, but she is one of the few that have the ability with her songs to move me to pure joy, to wanting to scream, to breaking down into tears. Each of which her songs have brought me to. For someone to achieve that, if even with a few, they are doing something right, and they are doing it with their full heart and soul. It’s the same with authors as it is with singers and songwriters.

I believe an achievement like that is something to be proud of, something not everyone can claim they have managed with their fans or readers. I believe that is something to be respected as well.

As if they have a gift of touching people’s hearts and lives.

Music Musings

Music.

A tug at the heartstrings. A sense pure joy and elation. A rush of adrenaline. A saddened single tear. A heart breaking. A dream come true. A dark anger. A lost love. A family’s connection. A chance of a lifetime. A sudden mistake. A long lost memory. A hope for the future. A kindling fire. A foreboding shadow.

Music is a topic that can be pulled in so many various directions. It can be used to put so many things into the words we cannot fathom to express without it.

Melodies can be haunting and spine chilling like a graveyard on All Hallow’s Eve. They can be sweet and gentle like a lullaby to a newborn babe. They can be the empowering trumpet sounding into battle. They can be the rhythm and life of the party. They can be the cracking heart of a life changing moment.

They can be anything.

Music can be anything.

It can make you cry. It can make you laugh. It can make you smile. It can make you scowl. It can make you feel alive. And it can kill you inside.

So many tiny working parts go into making these pieces of our soul, these works of art in and of themselves. A line of lyrics. A melody and tune. A feeling. An instrument. A certain voice.

Every little piece is tweaked until just the right senses are touched. Just the right brush of emotions are caressed across your mind and heart. Until it leaves you breathless and your heart quivers, until you feel the chills running down your spine and the whole world ceases to exist around you.

Music tells a story, an unforgettable story.

They are poems and ballads. They are stories and memories.

They say when you are happy you enjoy the music, and when you are sad you understand the lyrics. And that is something I can only agree on one hundred percent.

Music is more than just music. It is heart and soul.

And when you put two pieces of heart and soul together, you are left with something so touching, so beautiful, that it grabs you and it sucks you in, never to let you see the light of day again.

Music is stories; and what happens when you put those stories with the stories of an author’s mind?

You see, nowadays, so many trailers for books are being created, casting real people to play the characters we created as authors. How it makes everything come to life and those claws of the emotion just dig right into your soul and drag you down under. Making you want to fall into the welcoming arms of the character’s of the book and go following along on their adventure through the pages.

But there is more out there than just the promotional trailers. Once you are sucked into the book’s folds, the author has to find a way to make you stay.

You could be captured and held captive in a dark dungeon, with only the quiet drip of stale water to hear and the cold press of steel against your wrists for company. You could be enticed by a ball under the fireworks, watching the sparkles of color dance across the twilight sky. You could be given the riches of a lord, left to fill your heart with its desires of the materialistic. Or a hand to marry where you fall for the prince of your dreams, you happily ever after tale.

But still, the author must make you feel these things as the character’s do to hold you in their trance. They must know how to make it feel real.

How though? How can a simple weaver of tales and words keep you so entranced by just those inked lines across a page?

Simply by adding a little more magic, a little more art and emotion, until you have nothing left conscious to you except the world inside the book and the stories hidden among the lyrics of an added song that pulls you deeper.

Writing and music both allow you to escape, and when the two merge to dance together under the skies of that author’s heart, the result is something so breathtaking and stunning that you never want to leave.

Books can draw you in and pull you into those fantasy and futuristic realms. Descriptions can have you vividly imagining it all. Relatable characters can have you rooting for the good guys and swearing at the villains. The right words will pluck at you and pick you dry until you are immersed.

But when you add music, those feelings are intensified a thousand times over.

Whenever an author or reader finds that one song, that one, perfect song that resonates so deeply with what they are writing, they come to make a true work of art that is sure to strike a cord deep within everyone. It can simply be for one scene, for one chapter, for one character alone, for a relationship of characters, or for the whole book.

No matter what it is though, it holds you in its trance and doesn’t allow you passage back out without paying a toll of your heart and self. To find that song is like finding pure gold treasure under your pillow instead of a dollar coin for that lost tooth. It enriches the novel, enriches the emotions and the scene itself.

It makes it memorable.

It makes it that much more powerful.

The two alone can be a powerful voice, but to put them together…

Put them together and you have found the way to describe the indescribable.

Music is life. Writing is life. Together they are heart and soul at its most deepest meaning.

Together, as an author, a reader, a singer, a dreamer, a dancer, a pessimist, a truth-seeker, a free spirit, a working lad, an artist, whatever you may be; together, they are a new story all your own now within the confides of your mind.

A life no one can take from you.