Sort Of Goals, Holiday Madness, and NaNo Down Spiral

So for awhile I totally forgot it was Tuesday and that I needed a blog post. It doesn’t feel like Tuesday to me. The worst part is I had no idea what I was even going to write about, and honestly, I still don’t really know so this could be a very well bullshitted blog post before my clock ticks down to midnight in 48 minutes and I miss this post.

I told ya’ll to stop back on Tuesday to see if I had any idea on December goals yet. Yeah, well, I still really haven’t gotten a clue on them. Considering it’s the maddened holiday season and I work retail, I’m pretty much going to say my only goals for this month are to survive the next two months (January is inventory and another mess of shit going on at the same time) and to hopefully finished Fated to Darkness finally.

As of right now, the finishing the novel could be stretching it. I forgot how badly the holiday season drains me, especially being an introvert.

I don’t have many days off or downtime in which I can just chill and write without worrying about other things I need to do. I’m pushing more hours this year because of the other store I have to help out since they’re shorthanded. Not to mention corporate is pushing more freight into our store then they were last year so we are busting our asses and still not staying very up to date. We just keep sinking behind.

But, you know, no one wants to work graveyard shifts to get more of a freight crew in to help either… Go figure.

It’s only been about two weeks of the total madness since Black Friday hit, but already I am wearing thin, and one day off at a time is not going to cut it for me to recuperate and push through the next few weeks. And like last year, I could be working seven, eight days straight again with only one day off before who knows what the next round.

I’m working a lot of morning shifts too, which is great for the ability to do some things after work that I can’t do on days I have the long close shifts that take up my entire functional day. But I’m not a morning person, so they are wearing on me that much more by being up early so many days. Ya’ll know by now I’m a total night owl.

Believe it or not, last night I was actually in bed and asleep before midnight. Normally I’m lucky if I’m in bed and asleep before 1am. If that doesn’t say something on how much the madness is taking out of me I don’t know what does.

The other downside to working mornings is by the time I do get home, I don’t want to do anymore work. I just want to sit and relax for at least a little before I have to do it all over again the next day. It kills motivation, and the madness itself just kills energy.

So with the way work is going already, I don’t know if I’m really going to get that novel finished. I would love to, I want to, but if I try for it like I did for NaNo, I could really be burning myself out before January hits and the new inventory madness rears its ugly head. Then I’ll really be a walking zombie by February.

Ahhh… February… Is it February yet?

So really I have no idea what’s happening this month. I’m not even sure if I should bother with the goal plan because I’m pretty sure it won’t happen, but then I’ll get disappointed in myself that I didn’t finish this novel like I wanted to this year…

It’s really just a never ending cycle and the only way to cure it for me is to have a separate NaNo every single month so I can’t just slack off and back out again as I do every single non-NaNo month. Because, you know, it’s been one week since NaNo ended and I haven’t written another word yet. I rest my case.


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