I am still going to continue on with my work from Camp NaNoWriMo, Darkness Becomes Her. A dark fantasy novel in the works yet.
Picking up right from where I left off in last week’s snippet. Heather had basically just woken up from her peaceful sleep to find a scary woman standing over her bed, with an ominous thought of she didn’t like it when her Heir disobeyed…
Please still keep in mind that since this is a first draft, it is rather rough and unedited yet. (Some sentences may have been creatively punctuated to try to fit the ten sentence limit. I failed to make it fit though and eventually gave up.)
Tears welled in Heather’s eyes in terror as she stared wide-eyed up at the woman; she whimpered against the hand over her mouth, starting to shake slightly. The woman chuckled darkly, a low, evil sound that made Heather whimper again and try to shrink away back under the covers, hoping this was some sort of very real nightmare. However, the woman yanked her back harshly, making her squeal a little, the sound muffled by the hand still over her mouth.
“Ah ah,” she scolded, letting go of her arm and reaching inside her cloak to pull out a coil of thin rope. Heather’s eyes widened even more, horrified now and she squealed again, trying to call for her mother and father, attempting to scoot out of the woman’s reach. The woman let her get out of her reach this time, grinning underneath her hood in a sick sort of way.
“Mommy! Daddy!” she screamed, her voice breaking and cracking in her terror. “Daddy!”
The woman merely chuckled once more, and Heather suddenly cried out in pain as she felt pain shoot through her body. She doubled over on herself as the stinging sensation faded away, sobbing now and shaking uncontrollably. She wanted her mommy and daddy, she was scared. What had just made her hurt?
“Scream all you want, mortal, they cannot hear you now,” she taunted darkly, sweeping around to the other side of the bed and grabbing Heather roughly before she could try to get away again. Heather screamed once more, her little voice shrill in the silence of the night.
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Chilling last paragraph.
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Thanks!
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Scary! Does she even have any pity? Does she want to be hated that much? Because I can see that’s where it’s heading.
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Oh I’m sure you’ll find out soon just what she wants. ;)
Thanks for reading!
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I know this is just a first draft, so I’m not sure if I was reading it right… The Dark One takes Heather from her bed but then is only holding her via an hand over her mouth? And Heather cannot squirm away? Just a bit curious, since in a lot of peasant homes in old days, family members all shared the same bed (called bundling), and Heather’d likely see her parents and any siblings she had there.
Or am I wrong that this is set in a medieval-like fantasy world?
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You’re close. Heather is human, living on Earth, modern day Earth as we have now. Minus maybe ten years or so at this time. But the Dark One does live in a medieval-like fantasy world, a separate realm that has not yet been introduced to the story.
As for the first part, I didn’t read it quite carefully yet, thanks for pointing that out. I’ll make sure I remember it for edits.
Thanks for reading!
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Oh noes, heart wrenching. and you capture the way a person tries to scream and can’t, in a nightmare (only of course this is real for the poor child). Excellent excerpt, if terrifying!
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Thank you. I’m glad you’re liking it. (If liking is the right word for what is going on.)
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Great job–scary stuff!
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Thank you. And thanks for reading!
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Horrifyingly real! I’m scared. lol
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LOL. Thanks for reading. I’m glad you find it real.
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The last two lines gave me the chills. What an awesome snippet.
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Thank you. I’m glad you’re enjoying it.
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No… that’s not creepy. Not at all. Very effective scene!
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Lol. Thank you!
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Creepy … well done ….
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Thank you :)
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